 |
 |
 |
|
|
|
The Long Way Home
But eventually the reality of the disease was too much for me. Symptoms, depression and self-medication caught up with me. I became severely depressed. I didn’t want to work anymore or be with anyone. Eventually I rented a room at the Days Inn downtown. Luckily I had the money at the time to pay the $600 a month. But at the Days Inn I just stayed in my room. I didn’t watch TV, I didn’t socialize with anyone, and I just became withdrawn from everything. I recognized that something was wrong. I was at a point where if I was going to eat anything I was going to have to go to a downtown church to get a meal. I needed the rest of my money to go toward my rent at the hotel. Also at that time I was using alcohol to treat my depression. This of course only succeeded in making me more depressed. I went for the longest time thinking that my depression was something I could control, but I finally came to realize that I needed help because it was affecting every aspect of my life. Fortunately, I didn’t spend an extended period of time living on the streets. If I wasn’t staying with a friend, I was closing the bars and spending the rest of the night and morning at all-night restaurants until it was time to go to work. Things got so bad I checked myself into the Metropolitan Psychiatric Center and was there for a month. During that stay I lost my job through the temping service. Now I was homeless.
I attended AA meetings and learned I was using alcohol to self-medicate for my depression. At the Metropolitan Psychiatric Center I learned that if I was to improve my situation with depression I needed to change my environment and focus on my HIV treatment. And that’s how I ended up at Positive Directions. I stayed at Positive Directions for nearly two years. In that time, the support I received at PD was tremendous. Staff monitored me. They noticed when I slipped into depression and helped guide me back on the right direction, either through group sessions or one-on-one counseling. The PD staff made sure I was properly treating my HIV and depression, attending educational seminars on HIV, meeting regularly with my doctor and neurological specialist and continuing to be social. They referred me to a therapist who has been a great help and friend to this day. This past Fall I started working full-time at Dillard’s. I also learned I had colon cancer. I began making enough money to afford my own place. I realized after a while that I was ready to move on from Positive Directions in order to free up a bed for someone else. I felt I had a good base of support and could take the next step in becoming independent again. I also didn’t want to use Positive Directions as an ongoing safety net. I’ve left on good terms and I’m proud of that. I know I can return if I need to. In October of 2005, I underwent surgery for colon cancer and the operation was a success. In November, which ironically is homeless awareness month, I moved into my own place. I recently started working for Shelter Works, a company that makes storage facilities. And a month ago I added a part-time job at Savvis Center on the 3rd shift. That’s enjoyable because I get to go to all the events for free. It’s also a fun distraction from everything. Because things have been falling into place for me lately I decided to stop taking my anti-depressant. I felt these were adding to the symptoms I’ve been having. With the natural high of beating colon cancer, landing new jobs and moving into my own apartment, I thought I could handle the depression on my own. In retrospect, however, getting off my anti-depressant medications has only complicated things.
Tests showed I wasn’t having seizures but was dehydrated and passing out from the change in my regimen. You see, not only did I take myself off the anti-depressant medications, but my doctor increased my HIV regimen to account for the greater percentages of the HIV viral load in my body. For the longest time I only had to take two pills once a day to keep my HIV in check. As a result of my stats as of late, however, my doctor increased my regimen to six pills a day. I don’t have medical insurance through my job. They offer it but I’m considered “high risk” because of my pre-existing conditions. Right now I go to Connect Care. Either Ryan-White or Connect Care pays my medical expenses. If my viral load does not continue to improve I will need to make the switch to the next regimen. This will entail 20 pills a day, not including my anti-depressant medications. For now, I’m taking one step at a time. Over the last couple of years I’ve had many obstacles. But I feel like I have a circle of friends who really support me. I’m an alumnus of Positive Directions. I have a tremendous doctor and unlike a lot of guys in my situation, I still have contact with my family. I was recently on the phone with my mom during the holidays! I’ve spent most of my adult life here in St. Louis. I feel this is home now. Once when I was down about having to live with HIV, a friend told me that all I have to do is take a couple of pills a day for the rest of my life. I know I can handle things if I look at it like that. Xavier |
IN MEMORY
We remember alumnus John Mitchell, who recently died in St. Louis. John was a friend to many at Peter & Paul Community Services. An active participant in the community collabARTive, John shared his artistic abilities for countless projects enriching everyone's experience. John also played an important role as an alumnus, serving on the agency's program committee. His gentle nature and generous personality are cherished and will be greatly missed. __________________________
Join us Friday, October 20,2006 for a fascinating falltour of the mosaic of faithtraditions in St. Louis.The tour will include the Daar-ul-Islam Mosque, the Mahatma Gandhi Hindu Temple, Shaare Emeth Synoguoge and Assumption Greek Othordox Church plus presentations at each site and authentic Greek cuisine for lunch. Call 588-7111 ext 203 to reserve your seat today! _________________________
___________________________ Director's Cut Stigma “Don’t the Bible say we must love everybody?” “O, the Bible! To be sure, it says a great many things; but, then, nobody ever thinks of doing them.” Harriet Beecher Stowe, Uncle Tom’s Cabin _________________________ Positive Directions' Day Center continues to impact the homeless HIV community in St. Louis! _________________________ Thank You "Second Generation Swing" for your benefit concert/dance for PPCS at Casa Loma!!_________________________ No Longer Alone!!
Mary Beth Neufold-Wall, LCSW Positive Directions I like going to work. I am a social worker at Postive Directions, a transitional housing program for people who are living with HIV and are homeless. __________________________
Many thanks to our Event Committee, volunteers and sponsors for making this year's annual event a tremendous success!! This year's annual dinner and silent auction to benefit PPCS was held downtown at the A.G. Edwards Courtyard on Saturday, April 29, 2006. The evening featured dinner by Bryan's Young's Catering Plus, the music of Swingset and national swingdance champions Jeff & Matt Auclaire. |
|
© 2004 Peter & Paul Community Services,
Inc. |
Shortly after I moved to St. Louis from Los Angeles in 1992 my partner and I decided to break things off. I was in my early 20s and working as a manager for Little Caesars. Shortly after the breakup in 1995 I learned I was HIV positive. After the initial shock, I dealt with it for a long time by denying I had it. Somehow I carried on. My network of caring friends helped me as best they could. 
Two weeks ago I began having what I thought were seizures. Because I work with a sander and other heavy equipment I couldn’t return to Shelter Works until my doctor cleared me. 
